Yeah, suppose most people don’t use the word ‘looming’ to describe birthdays — unless of course it is their own and they have aging-issues.

Whingari is 2 weeks and 2 days from her first birthday. 16 days.

I’ve never been sentimental or had bittersweet feelings about my children growing and developing and reaching birthday milestones. But this one feels so different. Is it because she’s my daughter? Is it because she is probably my last baby? Is it because, as a homebirth, her birth is the one that resides in my heart in the most complete and resonating way? Maybe all of these things.

I’ve been there at every developmental milestone: holding up her head, sitting up, finding her hands, crawling, first tooth, walking, first words….all of it, with great joy that she’s so healthy and intelligent and spirit-filled. I don’t wish for her to be a baby forever. And yet, she’s gonna be one soon, and that brings a mixture of sadness and joy.

So, my toddler (she started walking about 3 days before the 10 month mark) is about to be 1 year old.

She was born 12/12/2006 by the light of nothing more than the lights on the christmas tree — which is now up, on and in our living room. Everytime I look at its shimmer, I remember that it was the glow that cast upon her beautiful face in her first hour on this earth. It was the light by which I first saw her perfect little face.

So while I mourn the loss of my last baby — I celebrate the healthy, vibrant development of my beautiful woman-child.