See it over there, to the left? It will be gone, perhaps, if you’re looking through the archives later. But right now, it’s there.
Don’t ask what I mean by any option, please. Just interpret for yourself.
I think it is extremely important to set effective, appropriate and healthful boundaries. I also think it is a constantly moving goal.
I am working to understand my priorities and limitations more everyday. Knowing my boundaries comes from this. Holding firm to those boundaries…that can be difficult.
People ask things of you, either individually, or as a part of a group. Sometimes you can help, other times you have to be honest, with yourself and others, about your limitations. All is good so far, right?
But then there is subtle (or not-so-subtle) pressure, veiled manipulations, even removal of attention or affection. And yet, you have to be able to appropriately, wisely, respectfully, say ‘I’m sorry, I choose to have other priorities than that.’
I don’t say, ‘I can’t’ when I can, but choose not too.
So then I think about what I would do/say/feel if the person applying the pressure were to follow through with whatever threat/manipulation/action they’ve stated. I try to follow it to its logical end. And then decide if I can be ok with that.
I have to put aside all my thoughts about wanting someone to like me, think I am a nice person or a ‘good’ person — and turn off my constant need to be identified by my ‘helper persona.’ Because if I let them, people will see this persona as ME and I will be diminished by this lack of depth of my personhood. And that would be completely my fault, because I didn’t require that they get to know the whole of me.
So, for right now, I will remember to state my needs and abilities, with compassion and tact, and know that they have no ability to change my life in ways tragic. And I will exhibit self-respect and expect the same from others.
That was very cathartic and it helped me through a thought process.
And then at the end of this DIY-psychotherapy there was a final thought:
Sometimes, we don’t make life so easy for them.
blessings to you as you find your way today,