Today it is raining…not just drizzling…buckets of rain coming down in wave after wave.

And it makes me realize how little we’ve seen of rain in our time in DC.

Nic and I read, before the move, that August was the rainiest month here. Well, um, I gotta say, that’s not been our experience this summer.

But today, it rains. Darn. I was going to take the attachlings for a hike this morning. It’s been days and days and I miss it.

And then there’s the fact that our curricula is due to arrive tomorrow. Not today, when we could really use it, but tomorrow. Darn.

I can see it, there on the UPS website. It’s in New Jersey, having been shipped yesterday from Vermont. I mean, those are soooo close, and yet, completely unobtainable today…on this most rainy of rainy days.

So today I read and I plan. I make lists of the activities that we will be doing, and what supplies I need to get to do those.

And I reread some of Heart of Learning, especially about the Cycles of Unfoldment (stages that children go through) and about being in my head too much. Ironic. I can’t DO anything yet, so I am planning…which is an ‘in my head’ kind of activity.

My childhood left me lacking in appropriate and loving emotional attachments. I do live in my head. I know that this is an issue and that I must work at connecting with my attachlings on a daily basis.

This is not easy. I must focus my energies and know that it is completely appropriate and functional and, well, ok, to just get on the floor and pour and sort beads with Whinnie.

I know that building legos with the boys (which is how they are dealing with the rain today) is purposeful and functional and a good way to connect…and yet it is difficult for me to quiet my mind and just be in that moment with them.

It’s interesting to me how things come together from what might seem disparate ends. In this way, each of us an alchemist. We bring influences and ideas and experiences in in a unique mix and they pass through us and are (as we are) transformed into something new.

In my case I’m bringing together some of Eckart Tolle’s (A New Earth) thoughts on the ego and some of Jacqueline Kramer’s good words on peace and balance (Buddha Mom) and Oak Meadow’s words about Expansion and Contraction and the process of unfolding into one’s true potential — and it’s all churning around in my head and my heart and my spirit.

Of course, like every other human being, these things are already in me…these thoughts, these experiences, these knowings, but I need to read the way in which my fellow human beings articulate them in order to have a way to understand what I already know.

I know, above all else, that I endeavor to provide my children with a good foundation for going out into the world.

And it all starts with gaining a clearer understanding of self…and an ability to know that my thoughts (progressive, imaginative or not) are not the whole of me and that there are times to allow the heart or spirit to be more ‘in charge’ in order to be fully human — and to model that to them.

along the journey,
Mary

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