Nic and I have been reading about several Native American groups and their creation stories. We’ve also encountered the widely-held belief that the ‘creator’ brings solutions, ideas and wisdom via dreams.

And I’ve been reading more John Holt…again.

So, I have no one but myself to blame for the dream I had the other night.

In this dream I was a high school age young lady who had always homeschooled, but who wanted to ‘try’ school to make sure I wasn’t missing out on anything before it was time to go to college.

The dream was about *my* first day at this high school.

Let me just add, this was one of those dreams that you swear are absolutely real. You can smell and touch and feel everything that is happening. Your emotions go on a complete roller coaster because, in that moment, it is real to you.

So, here I am, in my first classroom ever. And I am absolutely appalled. I am appalled by the absolute disrespect the teachers show to the students. I am insulted by their assumptions that to be younger is to lack value, worth or rights. I am appalled and insulted by the amount of time wasted on nothingness.

After a few moments of listening to a *good teacher* harass and insult a class full of students, I had had enough and I got up to leave. The teacher started yelling at me to sit down. As I walked to the door, she grabbed my arm and started yelling about detention and expulsion. The look on her face was one of rage and impotence.

As I looked into her face, I was thinking, “what ever made me think I was missing out on anything here.”

I found myself out in the hallway, wandering this way and that through a maze of turns. I was beginning to feel panicky, as I couldn’t find any door that led outside. At every turn there was a teacher or administrator ready to yell at me, insult me, threaten me. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I began to feel like a hunted, wild animal.

At this point, thankfully, I woke up.

Now, I do realize that this is not necessarily indicative of all (or maybe even most) students’ experiences with school.

But I also know that each persons’ *vision* is their own. There is absolutely no need to justify it or make it make sense to anyone else.

This vision is my alchemy and it continues to inform my decisions.

The deeper meaning, though is not just that I don’t want my children to experience those horrors…I also don’t want to become those teachers. Sobering.